When I decided to start actively looking for weiner romance, I had no idea what was going to happen. I also didn’t know the first thing about how or where to meet men. After all, I have not dated in almost seven years and frankly the whole process scares the shit out of me.
While I may be sparkly online, I have an edge of social awkwardness to me in person. Many of my friends would tell you I have an issue with making eye contact for too long. I also laugh and/or blush a lot when I’m nervous. I believe both of my problems stem from years of low self esteem and so having someone look at me for too long brings up insecurities about my physical appearance. I’ve been working on it and I’d have to say I am ten times better than I used to be.
Obviously all of my social inadequacies are on display in the dating world. In order to combat this I decided to search for men where I am the most comfortable, where I’ve already proven my worth and have even garnered quite the following: Twitter
The problem with Twitter is that while there are many hot, clever, weinered men, most of them live thousands of miles away. Distance has proven to be a real bitch.
For awhile I was fine with just flirting over the interwebs. The frequent witty banter between me and my male followers brightened my days and got my juices flowing. But there comes a time when a girl needs something more. Its name is Skype.
I’m sure you’ve all heard of it and probably 90% of you already use it, but me? I was chicken shit. Looking at someone face to face is so personal it’s scary. Skyping meant I was consciously letting someone in to see my world and for me that takes trust. It’s certainly not easy to trust someone you meet on the internet. But eventually I took the plunge with a man I had talked to for a few months and I’m so glad I did.
The unicorn and I had flirted back and forth for awhile but knowing that he lived a nearly three hour plane ride away made me keep my distance. I have to admit there was an instant attraction to him the first time we tweeted each other. He was super funny and quick on the draw. I like a man who can keep up with my teasing. I don’t even remember how or why it happened exactly but somehow I caught his interest and he caught mine.
God bless the Twitterverse.
The thing about the unicorn is that he’s hot and he knows it, which is super sexy to us females. On Twitter he is one cocky bastard, well ok let’s be honest here, in real life he is too but for different reasons. I’m not calling him the unicorn for nothing ladies. But this also means he has a hell of a lot of chicks vying for his attention.
There were periods where we didn’t talk at all. I’d watch him from afar in my Twitter stream but figured he was too busy with his own harem for a conversation. Every once in awhile he would surprise me with a cryptic DM of which I would over analyze for hours. That’s what we chicks do when we can’t read a guy instantly. His aloofness was intriguing.
I had joked with the unicorn about a Skype date early on in our friendship. He knew I was nervous about meeting guys and had offered to let me warm up on him in order to get my game back. While I wanted to, I was so nervous at the thought of having to look a man in the face I never followed through with making plans. Part of me didn’t think he was really serious anyway so instead of putting myself out there I decided to keep my guard up until I knew he wasn’t an asshole.
Somehow, in the midst of all the teenage and emo girls, I clawed my way into his DM box, his Facebook, his text box and inbox, and in there I found something super special: A golden weiner and a heart to match, which led me to the crush I am currently riding.
Two weeks ago we made official plans to have a virtual date via Skype. I call it a date because it’s the closest thing I’ve had to one in years. We had this ongoing joke about beating each other in Scrabble and so we decided we would play on our date, except he decided to up the ante and make it “Strip” Scrabble and me being the fun loving girl that I am agreed. I also thought I could kick his ass in the game and there would be no reason for me to take off my clothes. God was I wrong.
Our first date ended up being before the Scrabble session when I was installing Skype to my laptop. I’m pretty technically retarded when it comes to things like that so he offered to walk me through the process and teach me how to use it. At first we were just using it to instant message each other but being the cocky bastard that he is he decided to test me by pressing the video call button. The first time he called I didn’t pick up, because I was too chicken. But the second time he called, and probably only because someone double dared me to, I hesitantly answered the call, hands over eyes with a lump in my throat. The moment I saw his face and heard his voice nearly all of my nervousness disappeared because I realized my instincts were right. Underneath all the sexy and confidence he portrayed on Twitter there lied a dork just like me. We ended up talking for about an hour. I hadn’t smiled that much in a long time and I hung up anticipating our official date that was set for the next evening.
I know there was a computer screen and thousands of miles between us, but it felt like he was right there with me. Being able to see his expressions and to hear his voice was amazing. I was also ridiculously proud of myself for facing one of my biggest fears and taking a chance and Skyping with him.
It was all downhill from there.
Strip Scrabble the next night was nothing short of entertaining. I actually have to give the unicorn props for allowing me a fully clothed warm up game first. We used an online version which enabled us to create our own room just for the two of us. I was ridiculously embarrassed at how bad I did the first round but my story is that the game was rigged because 80% of my letters were vowels, and who can make more than a three letter word from THAT many vowels.
The poor unicorn had to sit through almost an hour of me staring at my letters, scrunching up my forehead, smoke streaming from my ears, before he could even get to the second game where he got ALL of my clothes off. The thing about the unicorn is that underneath it all he is a stand up guy because even though he won and I was completely naked, he never once insisted I stand up and show him, as I kept my webcam at eye level and he could see nothing below my collar bone.
Three hours later we ended the call and I knew he was a keeper.
In between dates number two and three there were many text messages and flirtatious emails. We played a game of back and forth that has been some of the best foreplay I have ever experienced. While he may have beat me at Scrabble, I defeated him in sexting. The thing is as much sexy as there is in our “relationship,” and I use the term loosely for lack of a better word, I know that there is more. I know the unicorn isn’t just after my lady bits and he genuinely enjoys our time getting to know each other. He’s the perfect amount of good and bad to keep me interested and he brings out all of the best parts of me.
In a fairytale he would be the horse that picked me up and rode me away because he was so completely right for me. But we all know real life is no fucking fairytale.
Date number three happened last night and while I didn’t think we could get any better than Strip Scrabble, we found a way. The date started with us both watching the movie “Teeth” on Netflix together and ended with him playing DJ and making me smile.
Date number four is set for next Monday night and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve been daydreaming about it for the last 20 hours.
There’s something comforting about the unicorn. He makes me laugh, he excites me, he’s crazy and impulsive, and he makes me smile. We could be sitting there saying absolutely nothing and I’m content. It’s almost like we’ve known each other forever. Everything is just easy with him. He makes me happy.
I’m not expecting this unicorn to lead me to the end of my rainbow and I’m certainly not asking him to be my man. I’m just having fun, learning something, and enjoying whatever time we have together.
And anyway, unicorns aren’t meant to be tamed. What kind of woman would I be if I kept his magical horn all to myself?
If you less than three a unicorn play with it, stroke it, and then set it free.
